Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

-Ignore Post-



Failure was inevitable. There was no way in earth, or in sea, or in anything actually, that he could finish it in time. He threw away his mouse-it didn’t go very far, seeing as it was connected to his computer by its wire, simply flew a few feet away and then bounced back- he shoved away his keyboard and pushed his chair back with a flourish. The chair fell over backwards, with him in it, and the keyboard’s wire snapped, dropping it with a crash to the ground. He looked guilty around from the floor before he pulled himself up using the chair as a lever. The chair didn’t take well to being used as a lever and tipped over the other way; he fell again on to the chair.

 “Smooth” a voice behind him commented and he quickly pulled himself off the chair and whirled around to see the speaker. It was his boss. He wondered in a rather horrified way, how long she’d been standing there.

“Oh, Uh, Ms, I didn’t-I mean I did- I mean, how are you?” he stuttered, feeling the blood rush up to his face. She smiled and the blush deepened.

“Do you have a problem, Travis?” she asked kindly. His heart managed to drop and rise at the same time, causing a sort of fluttery feeling in his chest. He didn’t want her to think he had a problem; He wouldn’t even correct her about his name, but then again, if she wasn’t angry then-

“No Ms, just clumsy, Ms.” He was always reduced to a simple school boy in front of his boss.

She smiled at him again and he smiled back, hopeful that he would get off lightly.

“Travis, I must ask you a question-” she began, almost hesitantly, one of her perfectly manicured hands went to touch her chest lightly, her other hand floated to his shoulder. He knew his blush hadn’t gone; it was spreading to his ears now as well.

“Ms?” he asked, careful not to sound hopeful.

“Travis, do you think we can afford to keep clumsy people here?” she asked, very kindly and seriously.

“No Ms, certainly not Ms! I think they are a fault in the company and they should all be fired, effective imme-” he stopped, suddenly aware of what he was saying, and what it all meant.

“You see Travis, even you agree. I am sorry.” her grip tightened on his shoulder in an imitation of condolence before releasing him and stepping away. Her face was blank.

“You will pack all of your things, now, and leave. Try not to knock anything over on your way out.”

She left, leaving him in a state of horror. Part of his mind was working furiously on the speech he should have said to her, defending himself. Another part of his mind was trying to figure out how to pack all things as effectively as possible, and the rest of his mind was just screaming at him that he was fired and IT WAS ALL HIS STUPID FAULT! WHAT THE HECK WAS HE THINKING? WHAT ON EARTH WAS HE MEANT TO DO FOR MONEY NOW? He slowly and methodically packed his things into a box, straightened his tie and reached for the door to let himself out of his office. He stopped and turned around slowly.

“Ow, ow, ow, OW!” he yelped, shaking his hand. Hitting the computer had done nothing for his temper, and certainly nothing for his hand. He picked up the box and made his way out of his office and down the hallway. He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the bottom floor. The lift started moving. Then it stopped, then a man dressed up as a clown got in. He pressed the ground floor as well and the lift started to move. And then it stopped, again.

The two men stood waiting for a while. Then,

“I think it’s stuck.” he said to the man dressed as a clown. The man widened his eyes in exaggerated horror and surprise.

“We don’t need to worry, we just have to push that button-there-for assistance.” he said to assure the clown, and himself, actually. The clown pointed at a button and turned back as if to say, ‘This one?’

“No, the big blue one.”

The clown turned back to the buttons.

“I’m Turner, by the way, if we’re going to be stuck in an elevator together.”

The clown turned back to Turner and mimed writing. Turner stared for a while before realizing what the clown wanted. Really, clowns who didn’t talk were very annoying. He produced pen and paper from his box and handed it over.

The clown scribbled for a few minutes and then handed the paper back. Turner noticed he had tucked the pen into a pocket of his over large pants.

It read, ‘We get to pick names for being stuck in an elevator do we? If so, Hello! My name is Grape-seed. How do you do? Also, this button?’

Turner looked up from the paper, the clown, Grape-Seed, was pointing at a large button which quite obviously said, ‘ELEPHANTS’. Turner frowned, his mouth framed the words, ‘what on earth-?” but they didn’t quite make it past his lips. He was sure that button had never been there before. He shook his head at Grape-Seed, whatever that button did, it would not get them assistance. Grape-Seed, however, was no longer looking at Turner, he had pressed the button and was looking at the ceiling of the roof, as if he expected and elephant to fall through on top of them.

An elephant fell in on top of them.

A small elephant, but an never the less, an ELEPHANT. The Elevator shook with the sudden weight and then plummeted down. The elephant trumpeted and then the lift stopped. The doors opened.

All three of them fell out with a crash that shook the building. Everybody turned and looked.

In most circumstances, having everybody in the entire bottom floor turn and stare at him would turn him into a human stop light. So red that he could be mistaken for a tomato. But-Turner was bruised, he was squashed, his forehead was bleeding and he had just had a baby elephant LAND ON TOP OF HIM. He just DID not CARE about these people thinking he was weird. It was PERFECTLY normal to fall out of an elevator with a clown and an elephant. He stood up, dusted his clothes off and pulled the clown out from under the elephant. Well, he tried to anyway.

“Would you PLEASE shift? You’re SQUASHING poor Grape-Seed!” Turner hissed at the elephant. The elephant stood and Turner pulled the squished clown out.

“Grape-Seed! Are you alright? Speak to me!” Turner whispered. The clown’s eyes opened and his hand moved up into the air. he began making strange movements with it. Turner watched the movements in bewilderment for just a second before he sighed and pulled the box containing all his things in it. He dug around and pulled out another piece of paper and a rather broken pen. He handed them to Grape-Seed.

I am fine. Must we change our names now we are out of the lift?

Turner shook his head.

“No, I don’t think so.”

The clown shook his head as well and Turner helped him up. A crowd was gathering.

“What on EARTH is going on here?” shrieked a voice. Turner turned; he hardly recognized his calm and collected bosses voice while she was this agitated.

“TURNER!” She screamed upon spotting him, “You clumsy OAF! What have you done to our lift?”

Turner saw red, then he wiped the blood out of his eye and he could see normally again. How DARE she? It was HER lift which had gotten stuck! It wasn’t HIS fault that an ELEPHANT had fallen through the roof! Actually, WHY ON EARTH HAD AN ELEPHANT FALLEN THROUGH THE ROOF? He stalked right up to her and opened his mouth to say something incredibly smart and funny and cutting but it didn’t quite work that way.

“You! You! You! I! I! I! He! No, It! That ELEPHANT!” he gave it up as a bad job and stalked back to the elephant and Grape-Seed.

“How did you get that elephant to fall through the lift ceiling?” He whispered to Grape-Seed. Grape-Seed started an elaborate mime which Turner could make neither head nor tail of.

“No, just write it down! I’m sure that button was never there before!” he hissed, retrieving Grape-Seeds pen from the elephant.


I simply pressed the button, like you said. It may not have been the blue button, however. But whatever button it was it certainly assisted us in our journey down.

Turner read quickly before turning back to Grape-Seed,

“And the other buttons? Where they all different as well? Did they have floor numbers on and such like?”

Yes. Although I have never encountered the floor called ‘sky’ before. Do you think we should call the elephant Autumn?

“’Sky’? No, I’ve never encountered that floor either, I think we should though.” Turner announced, he took the elephant gently by the trunk and began leading it back to the lift. Grape-Seed scuttled in before them.

“I’m going now, good bye!” Was all Turner could think of to say as he left. The elephant could think of more subtle things though and as they entered the lift knocked over several tables and chairs.

Turner shut the lift, blocking out the view of all those . . . urgh, business people. A thought suddenly struck him.

“Grape-Seed” he called, “Why do you want to call the elephant Autumn?”

Grape-Seed, squashed against the lift wall by the elephants mass began a wiggly sort of mime which appeared to have no meaning what so ever. Turner retrieved the pen from underneath the elephant and handed it to Grape-Seed. Grape-Seed wrote on to the side of the lift as he had somehow mislaid the paper as well.

Well, I thought that seeing that this elephant here, the one the is currently squishing me to death against the lift wall-

He paused here to let Turner get the hint. It took him three minutes, Grape-Seed counted.

“Oh! I am sorry!” he climbed onto the elephants back and then pulled Grape-Seed out. Straddling the elephant and not being squished against its backside Grape-Seed could hear the sound of people burbling meaninglessly outside the closed lift doors.

-Anyway, as I was saying, I think the elephant should be called Autumn because of the way she fell-

“She?” Turner asked and Grape-Seed nodded.

-Because of the way she fell through the ceiling on us. You see? Fall, but seeing as we are not American we should not call her Fall-therefore we should call her Autumn instead. Do you follow? Also, I’m hungry.

“Oh I see,” Turner said, “Alright, Autumn may as well have a lift name as well.” He leaned over the side of Autumns back and peered at the buttons.

“Grapes? Where is the ‘Sky’ button?”

Grape-Seed leaned over as well and found the correct button, he pressed it.

Then both of them scrambled for a better hold on Autumn’s back as the lift rocketed up wards.

Turner looked over to see Grape-Seed writing something.

This is like Willy Wonka and the Glass Elevator! Except that this elevator is a lift and it’s not glass and I don’t think it can go sideways as well. Also, what do you think will happen when we get to the sky?

“Willy Wonka?” he asked. He had no idea who this Willy Wonka with a glass elevator was and He had no idea what would happen when they reached the sky. Turner though for just a second that maybe he should have thought about this before. What had happened? He had used to be a reasonably collected business man, now he was planning to go flying in a lift. What on earth had- his thoughts were suddenly cut off as he suddenly realized he could see the building below us through the glass door.

“Oh my-” Grape-Seed whispered. Turner looked at him in alarm. Grape-Seed had spoken! Was he feeling alright? He apparently wasn’t as he immediately covered his mouth in horror.

“Are you alright?” Turner asked him, leaning over to pat him on the shoulder. He nodded guiltily. Autumn was pressed against the door looking out and Turner realized that they were no longer going up.

“Going down!” he squeaked.  Grape-Seed nodded. Autumn looked alarmed.

All three of us, Autumn using her trunk, began to jab at buttons. The lift refused to do anything except drop steadily to the city ground.

They screamed.

Then They screamed some more, and then Turner screamed even more because all that screaming really hurt his head and because Autumn was crushing him and he could see people walking in the streets below. Grape-Seed stopped screaming. He clamped his hand over Turner’s mouth.

“MmmmPHAAAAMMPHHH!” Turner screamed through Grape-Seed’s hand. Grape-Seed grabbed Turner’s hand and the pen and wrote,

STOP SCREAMING. We need to jump out of the lift before we crash.

This was a scary enough thought that Turner stopped screaming and simply whimpered instead, holding his graffitied hand. Grape-Seed opened the lift doors. He pointed to a large balcony only a few metres below us. Then he grabbed Turner’s hand and Autumn’s trunk and jumped out. Turner was much too scared to scream. He crashed into the balcony, and then Grape-Seed landed on top of him. Then, with no heed to their injuries, rolled extremely quickly sideways as Autumn landed heavily beside them. Turner blinked. He was ALIVE. Never again, NEVER again was he going to do anything as abysmally stupid as he had today. That was it. For ever. He had had enough excitement in one day to last his entire life. Turner was going to go back to some boring job and live a boring life, marry a boring woman, and have VERY boring children! And then he was going to retire and live a very boring life with his boring woman and then he was going to die in a hot air balloon accident because he had decided it would be fun to rollerblade on the edge of the basket. NO! He was going to die a VERY boring death, old age. Yes. Yes, good. He fainted.




( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 11th, 2010 01:02 am (UTC)



*is still giggling*

(obviously I didn't ignore this)
Sep. 11th, 2010 10:27 am (UTC)
Hahaha, no, obviously not. : P

Well I'm glad you like it! I wrote it after hearing that there were going to be elephants in the upcoming QT book!
Sep. 11th, 2010 10:29 am (UTC)
Oh, and I did some editing and reposted, so I'm not doing this crazy third person to first person dance thing. :P
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )